“Just do your best…

…it’s the only way to keep that last bit of sanity.”

This morning on my cosmically connected Avett Brothers Pandora Station I heard a song I had never heard before called “When I Drink.” Though the song seems to be about the regrets of drinking too much, some of the lines very much echoed my facebook status last night:

“Sometimes all you can do is your best…and pray that it’s good enough.”

Last night I sunk back into an old guilt I’ve carried for years. I have always worried about disapointing people, and not being “good enough” in a lot of respects. Not a good enough wife, friend, mother, teacher, etc. I don’t want to sound all Kristen Stewart-angsty again, but I think we all go through bouts of this. I like to call them the “coulda, woulda, shouldas.” I could’ve made my husband something better than frozen pizza last night, or I would’ve called my friend back if it weren’t for _______(fill in the blank), or I should’ve spent more time with my daughter today.

I especially struggle with “friend guilt.” I’ve rarely said this outloud but I often feel like I am not a good enough friend. I find it hard to keep up as much as I want to. Sometimes when I get home from a day at work, then taking care of the baby and trying to keep some sort of half-way decent food on the table and clean clothes in the drawers, I feel like I just can’t do one more thing (and this is with amazing support from my husband AND a cleaning lady who comes every two weeks. I can’t imagine how single moms or those with no support can do it). I know this is the wrong attitude and I know we make time for the things we care about. I make time for blogging because writing brings me peace and helps me to connect my feelings with the world. I make time for my family because they are my heart and soul. I make time for reading celebrity magazines and watching trashy reality TV because it makes me feel normal.

But, I still need my friends….desperately. I want to support them. I want to show them how much I love them. But sometimes I get all befuddled and lost and overwhelmed with the every day tasks of life and feel like I’m living in “survival mode.” I know this is a symptom of anxiety and I’m working on that. Once again, writing about it is hard, but I think it helps.

“Maybe I don’t have to be good but I can try to be. At least a little better than I’ve been so far.”

So as I listen to inspiring music, connect with more people, and ultimately write about it, I can say that I am learning, and hopefully growing.

And, some days I just have to sit back and repeat what the Avett Brothers taught me:

“Just do your best. It’s the only way to keep that last bit of sanity.”

Here is the song in it’s entirity. I hope it inspires you to think, connect, write and ultimately know that you are doing the best you can in this “crazy, fallen world.”

When I Drink, The Avett Brothers

When I drink
I say things I don’t want to say

I do things I don’t wanna do
I talk mean to you
But if I think
I just might get something out of this
My parents taught me to learn when I miss
Just do your best
Just do your best
It’s the only way to keep that last bit of sanity
Maybe I don’t have to be good but I can try to be
At least a little better than I’ve been so far

But when I drink
I hear things that aren’t really there
I feel things when I shouldn’t really care
Have fist fights with the air
But if I think about someone besides myself
I lived through the silver and the bell
With something to tell
Just do your best
It’s the only way to keep that last bit of sanity
Maybe I don’t have to be good but I can try to be
At least a little better than I’ve been so far

But when I drink
I spend the next morning in a haze
But we only get so many days
Now I have one less
Just do your best
It’s the only way to keep that last bit of sanity

Maybe I don’t have to be good but I can try to be
At least a little better than I’ve been so far
Oh, at least a little better than I’ve been so far

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