“Shame often produces overwhelming and painful feelings of confusion, fear, anger, judgement and/or the need to escape or hide from the situation…we are often thrown into crisis mode…we find ourselves becoming aggressive, wanting to run and hide or feeling paralyzed…I often act out in ways that are inconsistent of who I want to be.”
I would love to kill the comparison monster, let go of the shame.
The more I read and write about it, the more I hope to overcome shame and avoid getting trapped in the shame web. In I thought it Was Me (but it isn’t) Brown says we are all capable of developing shame resilience…that ability to recognize shame when we experience it, and move through it in a constructive way that allows us to maintain our authenticity and grow from our experiences.”
For this week’s Tools and Topics, I’d like to offer a few questions for you to ponder in your journal to help build your own shame resilience and kill your own comparison monster.
4. Do you agree that shame is the voice of perfectionism? From, I thought it Was Me (but it isn’t), “Whether you’re talking about appearance, work, motherhood, health or family, it’s not the quest for perfection that is so painful; it’s failing to meet the unattainable expectations that lead to the painful wash of shame.” How can connecting with others by sharing your own experiences help you to overcome these feelings of inadequacy?
5. In “The Comparison Monster” the author ends by saying, “I looked to see my husband with my daughter’s head in his lap, my cat coming to join the fun. Dog is cuddled up at my feet. The Christmas lights are twinkling behind them. This is what I really need: my deepest loves, this moment, right now. This is my life. Heart just grew back to the right size, maybe a little larger. I’m going to get off the computer now and start seeing what is right in front of me, comparison completely and utterly meaningless. Nothing could feel truer right now.”
How can you replace your comparisons with what is true right now…what you really need…your deepest loves?
2 thoughts on “Tools and Topics Tuesday: Kill the Comparison Monster!”
oh my. such a good topic to explore. I am soooo guilty of doing this–and beating myself up in the process. I came home last night and told Andrew, "today, I was really jealous of people…the things they have, the money they have, the christmas lists that they are putting together. I hate that feeling, but today I was jealous".
It felt good to just admit it to someone, and when the words came out of my mouth while I was sitting with my best friend, in my warm home with a fridge stocked full of food and our cat & dogs sitting close by….I felt silly even saying it.
Just getting it out helps to kill the ugly comparison monster!!!
xoxo thanks again for the daily inspiration. 🙂
Wow! Thanks for mentioning my blog! I woke up this morning worrying about what a filthy mess my house is and how I'm never going to get it "perfect" for Christmas, like I assume other people's houses are. And I also assume other people are super social this time of ear and, by comparison, I am a loser. So thanks for the reminder again. This is a message I need to hear about 50 times a day!! Brene says in her talk "hustling for worthiness" that we spend all this time and energy trying to please all thee people who don't really matter, She says we all have about 5 or 6 close loves who "really" matter. That statement blew me away, and when I can manage to remember it, it really helps!