A few Wednesdays ago in “No More Apologies” I wrote “I can keep being critical with myself, or I can change my criticisms. I can spend hours trying to change myself, or I can change the way I view myself.”
It’s been two weeks and I’m still struggling with this. As I battle with losing the last pounds of baby weight and fitting into my pre-pregnancy pants I can’t help but over analyze every bit of fat left on my belly. It’s the first thing I see when I look in the mirror, it’s all I notice when I sit down, when I bend over, when I breathe in and out. It’s always there…physically and mentally.
And I can’t do it anymore. I’ve already said it once, and now I have to start believing it.
I need to either do something to change myself, or change the way I’m viewing myself.
I can’t keep living in this limbo, this love-hate relationship with my body.
It reminds me of a notepad I bought years ago and just recently found, empty and ready to be filled, with the words
“Trust it or adjust it” written on the front.
I’ve always loved the simplicity of the saying but have yet to practice it. I need to either trust that my body is the way it is supposed to be, or I need to adjust it.
So I’m on a twofold venture to find a healthy balance between trusting and adjusting. I know it was all worth it–the stretching of my stomach, the gaining weight, the arduous labor–it was never about that for me and I never worried about it at the time. I would go back and do it all again in a heartbeat. I felt more natural, comfortable, and healthy while pregnant than any other time. So why is it so much harder to embrace the very same body that I loved for nine months now that she’s approaching one year old and I’m “supposed” to be back to my pre-baby body?
Maybe my old body is gone forever and I must come to terms with it—trust it.
Or maybe this new body can become more healthy and fit–adjust it.
Maybe it’s a little bit of both.
But for now I’m going to try not to worry about either. I’m going to do yoga because it’s good for me, mentally and physically. I’m going to love my body for the miracle that it created and birthed.
I’m going to trust it and adjust it.