Where do you belong? 3


Yesterday our journal topic in Advanced Comp. was “where do you belong?”
A very simple question with not so simple answers. Several of the kids had a hard time getting started, and many were afraid to share their words with the class after squeezing a few lines onto their paper.
Why is it so difficult to put a finger on where we belong?
I was inspired by some of their answers. One said, “I know where I feel right and accepted…but don’t know if that is where I should belong.”
Another student’s piece inspired the question,”Is where you belong where you already are, or where you want to be?”
I tried writing with them and my mind went blank. All I could hear in my head were the lyrics to “Creep” by Radiohead:
“But I’m a creep
I’m a weirdo
What the hell am I doin’ here?
I don’t belong here.
After an unsettling department meeting before class, the last lines repeated over and over.
I don’t belong here.
*** 

I know I belong here in my little town.
I know I belong here with my little family.
I just don’t know if I belong HERE.
In this place I inhabit every week day for about 8 hours.
The question haunts me on a daily basis.
It doesn’t make it any easier when this girl screams and reaches for the babysitter when I pick her up in the afternoons.
 Can you imagine seeing this face CRY when you reach to pick her up?
I know people say that it’s normal and I shouldn’t get upset. But it hurts…bad. I know it would probably hurt worse if she cried every time we dropped her off, knowing she hated going to the baby sitter. I know we are blessed beyond measure to have such a nurturing, loving, beautiful environment for her to be in for those 8 hours a day, five days a week. But it still hurts…bad.
So the same question still haunts me. You know the drill. I’ve written about it countless times.
Until it’s fixed, it is all I know how to do.

This morning I tried again. 

Where do I belong?

I belong

busy
in the sun
in the breeze
wrapped in a song
one hand in hers
one hand in yours
free
feet feeling grass
people
helping
loving
singing
dancing
happy
I belong
on cobblestone streets
one hand in hers
one hand in yours
out of my comfort zone
in a farmhouse
in a small town
in love
with family
laughing
helping
I belong
busy
in the sun
in the breeze
wrapped in a song
one hand in hers
one hand in yours
free
I think it’s important to answer this question, as hard as it may be. I know my response will continue to evolve as life changes. I guess all we can hope for is that where we belong is where we end up. 

Or is where we end up, where we really belong?

 


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3 thoughts on “Where do you belong?

  • Mel

    I'm so sorry that you're having a such a difficult time with this work situation. I admire you for doing the best job despite the emotions that make it difficult!

    I'm home all the time with my daughter and she still cries when I try to take her from my sister's arms. So hard. And my husband gets so upset because when he tries to cuddle her at night (she's been sleeping with us) she kicks him and rolls over closer to me. It's a phase and they don't understand…we just have to keep telling ourselves these things when times get hard.

  • work in progress

    That poem is really beautiful. I think the Avett Brothers could put that to music. 🙂
    I'm sorry it is hard today. Sending you "belonging vibes".

  • The Alexanders

    Cilla-
    I can't say that I know what you are going through since I am home all day with the girls. But parenting is HARD. Bottom line. I think we all struggle with some aspect of it. Just the other day I thought, "I would be a better mom if I worked out side the house." Numerous nights I lay awake with quilt of something that I did or didn't do. Somehow I think we need to just let it go and be the best we can be for that day. I pray that you find peace with whatever decision you find. You are an amazing mom and wife.