I’ve been pretty anxious this week.
For people who struggle with general, everyday anxiety, you know you don’t need a reason to be anxious…you just are.
All week I’ve been repeating my own little form of therapeutic self-talk, without really knowing or remembering what it is that was bothering me:
“Bad things happen every day. But it doesn’t mean they will happen to you, or those you love. Tragic, horrible, heartbreaking things happen all the time and there is nothing you can do about it. Stop worrying.”
These words haunt me in light of what happened today on the Virginia Tech campus. Another undeserved tragedy. Another day plagued with fear. Another unfair, horrible, heartbreaking scene.
And as I sit down to write, to really write for the first time in what feels like forever, the past ten months come to a head and I find the source of my anxiety this week.
My body remembers. My heart remembers.
And the tears come.
Our baby #2 was due to be born today.
And all at once it fills me with sadness and love and loss and awe.
These kinds of things just don’t make sense.
And all we can do is pray. When fear, anxiety, tragedy, loss, sadness and heartbreak take over, all we can do is pray. Pray for the people going through bad times. Pray to find peace in the situation. Pray for the ability to live in the moment and find beauty. Pray for peace of mind.
As I find peace in my own loss, I pray for all those affected by the events today at Virginia Teach and once again find solace in the words of Marianne Williamson.
“Every situation we find ourselves in is an opportunity,
perfectly planned by the Holy Spirit, to teach love instead of fear.”
I am trying my hardest.
And I am praying for miracles.
Sunset tonight on the VT campus, taken by our cousin Trey, a current senior at VT