“I am a recovering perfectionist. Before, I experienced that I and everyone else was always falling short, that who we were and what we did was never quite good enough. I sat in judgment on life itself. Perfectionism is the belief that life is broken…Wholeness lies beyond perfection. The life within us is diminished by judgment….” — Dr. Naomi Remen
…It wasn’t until I became a mother that I realized perfectionism is always the enemy of love. By definition, perfectionism is judging ourselves, our loved ones, and life as not good enough. We reject the present moment — peanut butter hands, tear-stained face and all — in favor of some idealized image that can never be real. We hold ourselves back from really loving, because how can you love while you’re judging? We think once we lose weight, our child gets through this phase, and our spouse gets a raise, our real life will start. But as John Lennon once said, â€œLife is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans…â€Â
-fromÂ Daily Inspirations for ParentsÂ by Dr. Laura Markham
I’ve always been a perfectionist and while I know it’s not exactly healthy, I never thought about just how hurtful it can be until becoming a parent.
When I think of these lines in the context of my life as a mother the message is finally clear.
Perfectionism is the belief that life is broken.
How can I be “okay” with being a perfectionist with that definition?
I know that this life is anything but broken.
My need for everything to be “perfect” is actually meÂ judging myself, my loved ones, and my life as not good enough.
I know that my loved ones are more than good enough. My life is more than good enough. And yes, even, my SELF is more thanÂ good enough.
We reject the present momentÂ — peanut butter hands, tear-stained face and all –Â in favor of some idealized image that can never be real.
My goal for this blog, and this life, is to learn to “live in the moment and make it beautiful”—no matter how ugly, hard, or imperfect.
How dare I reject a moment with my child for not being pretty, or perfect enough?
We hold ourselves back from really loving, becauseÂ how can you love while you’re judging?Â
Why should I hold myself back from loving…
myself, my loved ones, my life
Let this be a reminder.