I’m glad I decided to do this once a week, because for now, it’s still very necessary. Just last night I was walking around beating myself up with a case of the “I needs….”
It started with telling the acupuncturist “I need a pedicure” as he stuck needles into my toes. Deep down I know he could care less with what my feet looked like, but for some reason I felt it necessary to give him a “prerequisite” on why my feet were so disgusting.
It sparked an interesting conversation. He said that was the first pedicure comment he’d heard, but he has gotten a lot of “Sorry, I forgot to shave” and even an “Excuse me, I didn’t get to do my hair today” from other women.
“Uh oh,” I stammered. “I haven’t done either one of those things…in a while….but I guess you don’t care, right?”
Of course he laughed and said it was much easier to be a man.
“Not only do we not have to deal with those annoyances, but we don’t feel the need to apologize for them.”
“We don’t feel the need to apologize for them.”
(I knew there was a reason I was going there).
This reminds me of something I heard Linda Evans say a few weeks ago on Oprah
in an episode about the beauty of aging.
“We can change what we are critical of about ourselves OR we can change our criticisms.”
I’ve been thinking a lot about those words when I catch a case of the “I needs.”
I need a pedicure.
I need a tan.
I need to get rid of these dark circles.
I need to wake up earlier.
I need to exercise more.
I need to lose the last five pounds.
The list is never ending. So, on this “Worthy Wednesday” I’d like to shift my thinking.
I can keep being critical with myself, or I can change my criticisms.
I can spend hours trying to change myself, or I can change the way I view myself.
Instead of criticizing myself for not being tan/skinny/whatever enough,I can compliment myself for being nice, happy, and friendly.
Linda Evans also says in her interview, “What you look like has nothing to do with what you think about yourself, and that’s where we get confused. The outside has nothing to do with the inside. And the thing that’s so mysterious to me is everything we’re basing our value on is outside of us.”
She continues with (as you age) “…you’re forced to give up the game. Anything that is outside of you, you can’t control. But you can control inside of you.”
I don’t want to wait any longer to stop the game. No more controlling the outside to feel good about myself. I don’t want to continue feeling like I am only as good as my skin, or hair, or body.
As Evans concludes, “there has to be more to life than all that.”