Tag Archives : self compassion

I am human. I love a lot.

You know I love when things are cosmically connected…
I recently joined an interactive web group started by a fellow blogger friend at Writing My Way Sober and based on the book Self-Compassion by Kristin Neff.
The other morning I saw a group member posted  Patti Digh’s video on her “skinny jeans”…
Then, I went into my first block class, opened up Life is a Verb, and saw that the next story on our list to read was “Burn Those Jeans.”
Gotta love the Law of Attraction.
I also love this quote, which Patti uses as an epigraph to the piece:
“A lot of disappointed people have been left standing on the street corner waiting for the bus marked Perfection.”– Donald Kennedy
The focused free-write after the story was also a great exercise:
-For five minutes, write a description of yourself.
-Stop. Cross that one out.
-Set the timer for three more minutes and describe yourself again without using anything from the first description.
-Stop. Cross that one out.
-Set the timer for three more minutes and describe yourself again without using anything from the first two descriptions.She says, “Now you’re finally getting to the you beneath allthat other stuff. In this last description, you might find the realyou, the one beneath all those titles and awards and achievements.Getting to that “you” might help you set different, more real goals.”
I noticed the first five minutes I began describing myself withlabels–WHAT I am, rather than WHO I am (which reminds me of a favoritequote, I have inscribed on a rock, purchased at the Cincinnati airport:“When I let go of what I am, I become who I might be”).
The second three minutes I made a list which included descriptive adjectives and physical things.
The last three minutes I pared it down to the very basics of ME.
“I am human.
I love a lot.”
Don’t I wish it were always that simple?
I am human.
I love a lot.
I think I’m gonna make a bumper sticker to serve as a reminder.
Speaking of the Law of Attraction, I just saw this article on RosiePope’s (the lady from the “Pregnant in Heels” TV show) twitter: “Self-Compassion May Matter More Than Self-Esteem” which tells Neff’s story. I am currently on Chapter Two of the book and can’t wait to read more!

“Good Enough” vs. Great

As I’ve mentioned before, I am reading the book Life is a Verb by Patti Digh with my Advanced Composition class. Today our story was called “Don’t Stop to Wave, You’ll drown.” You can find a version of the story here on Patti’s blog.
The story opened with this quote:
“Why are women so immobile? Because so many feel like they’re waiting for someone to say, ‘You’re good, you’re pretty, I give you permission.” –Eve Ensler
Why didn’t I hear that 20 years ago?
Another great quote from the story:
“Just imagine what we could accomplish if we harnessed all the energy we spend hating and changing our bodies in order to be ‘beautiful’ or ‘good enough.” –Eve Ensler
Also from Eve, “Women have to overcome their fear of not being liked. It’s a choice we have to make between being good–quiet enough, tin enough, pretty enough, pleasant enough, good enough–and being great.”
After Ensler’s play, The Vagina Monologues, became famous she spoke of being drawn toward a fast-moving and powerful river, being part of that river, and of creating in and of the river.
“The only time I got into trouble in the river,” she said slowly, “was when I wanted people to look at me in the boat in the river, when I wanted to stop and wave and make sure people saw me in the boat.”
Patti said, “At those moments when we try to wave and be seen and praised, we are actually drowning.”
So true!
Patti advises, “Get in to the river. Fully embrace it and flow with it because it knows what you should be doing with your life. Move with it without trying to stop the boat so people can admire you and like you, so they can say ‘You’re good, you’re smart, you’re pretty. I give you permission.’ Keep moving, keep seeing, keep knowing, and keep saying what you know to be your truth, without needing or looking for the admiration of others. You are good. You are beautiful. You are smart. Give yourself permission. ” 

The journal topic for this piece mentions the “imposter syndrome,” something I know many women suffer from.

Emil M. Cioran said: “It is because we are all imposters that we endure each other.”
-There are times in all our lives when we feel like an imposter, like someone who will be “found out.” Write for five minutes in response to this question: When do you feel like an imposter? What do you fear people will find out about you?
-Stop. Read what you have written.
-Circle a word or phrase that stands out as a hot spot and write for five minutes on that topic.

After re-reading my first journal response , I circled the word “good” as my hot spot and wrote the following:

The word “good” stands out in a lot of my writing…especially the phrase “good enough.”
What is “good” anyway? Who gets to define “good”?
Look inside “good” and you will find…
“okay, sufficient, mediocre”
Don’t I want to be great?
In this story the author says the difference between being good and great lies in overcoming our fear of not being liked.
We can be good–quiet enough, thin enough, pretty enough, pleasant enough–enough.
Or we can be great.
I choose great.

Here are some more quotes Patti sprinkled throughout her story:
“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.” –Dr. Seuss
“Do not carry the burden of the past; do not live in the future. The only important thing is that one lives in the present authentically and fully. Whatever your current life is, be the most you ca be by living in the moment.”–Chin Chih
My final thoughts:
It’s supposed to rain all day tomorrow for my big, outdoor, BBQ style, birthday party. My hubby is stressing out majorly. I love nothing more than SUNSHINE….when I envisioned this big birthday party I told him all I wanted was to sit outside in the sun, eat good food, drink some wine, and listen to good music.Well, it looks like the sun isn’t going to happen. But, instead of letting it ruin my day, I’m going to try really hard to live in the present moment authentically and fully. I am going to love my imperfect appearance and home. And I am going to dance in the rain.

Free Friday: Gain access to your worthiness

I’m really into the work of Brené Brown right now. I wanted to sign up for her Mondo Beyondo Dream Labs course on The Gifts of Imperfection but I missed the start date and realized I probably have too much going on right now. Not a good excuse, I know. I really hope to do it on the “next go round” if it’s available. In the meantime, I’m enjoying the snippets of information and art on her blog, such as the one below:

art by Ali Edwards
On this Friday remember we are all FREE to OWN our story….
FREE to gain access to our WORTHINESS…
FREE to feel love and BELONGING.
(especially Clara and Sophie!)
If you enjoy the work of Brené Brown check out the “art and badges” link on her blog where she offers print-quality FREE downloads  Print them and frame them in your home or office to serve as beautiful reminders for you to live wholehearted! You can download yours here!
Stay tuned for our big giveaway on Monday and don’t forget to add Clara and Sophie’s buttons to your blogs and spread the word!
PS–If you are a vendor of a catalog based business (such as Stella & Dot, Pampered Chef, Arbonne, Thirty-One, etc.) and would be willing to donate part of the profit from one of your parties to the girls’ funds, please email me!