Choose Love 5

I’ve been pretty anxious this week.
For people who struggle with general, everyday anxiety, you know you don’t need a reason to be anxious…you just are.
All week I’ve been repeating my own little form of therapeutic self-talk, without really knowing or remembering what it is that was bothering me:
“Bad things happen every day. But it doesn’t mean they will happen to you, or those you love. Tragic, horrible, heartbreaking things happen all the time and there is nothing you can do about it. Stop worrying.”
These words haunt me in light of what happened today on the Virginia Tech campus. Another undeserved tragedy. Another day plagued with fear. Another unfair, horrible, heartbreaking scene.
And as I sit down to write, to really write for the first time in what feels like forever, the past ten months come to a head and I find the source of my anxiety this week.
My body remembers. My heart remembers. 
And the tears come.
Our baby #2 was due to be born today.
And all at once it fills me with sadness and love and loss and awe.
These kinds of things just don’t make sense. 
And all we can do is pray. When fear, anxiety, tragedy, loss, sadness and heartbreak take over, all we can do is pray. Pray for the people going through bad times. Pray to find peace in the situation. Pray for the ability to live in the moment and find beauty. Pray for peace of mind.
As I find peace in my own loss, I pray for all those affected by the events today at Virginia Teach and once again find solace in the words of Marianne Williamson.
“Every situation we find ourselves in is an opportunity, 
perfectly planned by the Holy Spirit, to teach love instead of fear.”
Choose love.
I am trying my hardest.
And I am praying for miracles. 
Sunset tonight on the VT campus, taken by our cousin Trey, a current senior at VT

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5 thoughts on “Choose Love

  • Susan

    Oh, Priscilla. My heart breaks for you and your family, but you're such a strong person. I know I've said it before, but know that you writing about things like anxiety and the difficulties you face really helps the rest of us that aren't quite strong enough to do the same. Big hugs to you!

  • Lisa Newhall

    I have been thinking about you. I knew it was sometime in the winter but thought it was January. It is hard around the time of the due date. I hope that by now you are feeling a little better and have gone through that stage of grieving. I also hope that soon you will feel that little life inside your body again. Call me if you ever need anything. Love and Light!

  • Sandy

    Priscilla you have been very brave thru everything these past months. I know how hard it was for you to have to put on the "happy" face & you stil did things for other even though it caused pain & emotionas that were heartwrenching for you. but that is who you are. I try to get you to put yourself first , & in this case there were times you needed to. But you are not wired this way, you are helpful to others by sharing your story & being there for others when they need it. God will bless you again. Love U.